I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer
Preliminary examinations now. I'm so stressed and unprepared. I don't know where to start from. I don't even feel like starting.
All hope seems lost. I feel like someone punched me in the gut, like someone punched the air out of me. Disenchantment. Despair. Disenchantment. I like it, but everyone fucking hates it. I like having dysfunction in my life because somehow leading a screwed up life feels real. I don't crave for perfection. I'm not idealistic. I just want to live life and get over with it. I've no aims in life for now. Everyone's telling me to study, get a job, get married, have kids, blah blah blah. Basically, slog my entire life. What for? Why do I even exist when I don't even cherish life?
You could wait for a lifetime
To spend your days in the sunshine
You might as well do the white line
Is it worth the aggravation
To find yourself a job when there's nothing worth working for?
It's a crazy situation
I know I've hurt many with my actions. I know many have tried to help me. But what for, when I don't even freaking care? Sometimes I feel my parents deserve a more filial daughter; my brother deserves a more concerned sister; my boyfriend deserves someone better. I wonder why people don't give up on me when I'm so hopeless. I whine how fucked up life is but I don't do anything to make things happen. Maybe I should be left alone to wallow in self-pity till I die.