Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Dysfunction

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer

Preliminary examinations now. I'm so stressed and unprepared. I don't know where to start from. I don't even feel like starting.

All hope seems lost. I feel like someone punched me in the gut, like someone punched the air out of me. Disenchantment. Despair. Disenchantment. I like it, but everyone fucking hates it. I like having dysfunction in my life because somehow leading a screwed up life feels real. I don't crave for perfection. I'm not idealistic. I just want to live life and get over with it. I've no aims in life for now. Everyone's telling me to study, get a job, get married, have kids, blah blah blah. Basically, slog my entire life. What for? Why do I even exist when I don't even cherish life?

You could wait for a lifetime
To spend your days in the sunshine
You might as well do the white line

Is it worth the aggravation
To find yourself a job when there's nothing worth working for?
It's a crazy situation

I know I've hurt many with my actions. I know many have tried to help me. But what for, when I don't even freaking care? Sometimes I feel my parents deserve a more filial daughter; my brother deserves a more concerned sister; my boyfriend deserves someone better. I wonder why people don't give up on me when I'm so hopeless. I whine how fucked up life is but I don't do anything to make things happen. Maybe I should be left alone to wallow in self-pity till I die.

13 comments:

  1. Go kill yourself :)

    too bad...you're too shallow to see the world!

    hope that your death shall shatter what restricts you to discover things

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She did
      And basically you are a mean coward.

      Delete
    2. Hey anonymous, go fuck yourself. Just because you got your life under more control than other people doesn't mean you can speak for them as if you fucking know everything. I have more pity for you than I have for her.

      Pick up your broken pieces and stop being a waste of life.

      Delete
    3. Thanks to your fucked up comment. That gave her an idea and she did in fact suicide. I hope your eyes shatter and blind you so you don't read anything else online and write another shallow response. Think before replying, asshole.

      Delete
    4. Whoever you are, you're sick. She's dead, you happy?

      Delete
    5. SayNoToMotherfuckersJune 11, 2012 at 8:09 AM

      What's your problem bitch? Are you her down-fucked useless BF? Or a jealous SLUT? Or a premature ejaculator who failed to court her? Chances are, YOU'RE a fucking screwed up person. A girl that freakin hot, I'll treat her like a princess and fuck her like fucking a pornstar. You FAILED. There's so MUCH people in the world out there, like me, would do anything for her. And the best part it, I don't even know her. So screw you. If I were your parents, I will be so ASHAMED of giving birth to you. I'd use DOMS to prevent YOU.

      Delete
    6. What do you want? Hope your eye gets blind forever. I don't wanna waste my time for you.

      Delete
  2. you let yourself fell into the depths of confusion and agony but yet you rather blogged about them on public.. RIP love

    ReplyDelete
  3. I don't know her.. but judging from what i read on her blog im sure she's a lovely person.. she just need someone to help her figure out her life and someone to care for her..

    and to the person who tell her to kill herself.. you're just a piece of shit..

    R.I.P. Love Krystal Aki Mizoguchi

    ReplyDelete
  4. R.I.P Krystal Aki Mizoguchi. *sigh* Another innocent life gone :( So sad.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This is all too late to say. But no matter what happens to you, whatever you may have done. You will always be the best in the eyes of your loved ones. I have done terrible things that I've regretted and if anyone deserves to die, its me. I wished we could turn time back and someone could stopped you from doing this. RIP.

    ReplyDelete