Newtonian

I believe in karma. What goes around comes around. Kinda like Newton's law. Every action brings about an opposite and equal reaction. If you derive pleasure and a sense of achievement from bringing others down with a lethal tongue, then someday someone dear to you would probably stab you in the back. I might understand why people would want to keep talking shit about someone they bear a grudge with, but what about those innocent victims who have done nothing to displease them?

For example, pretty girls are constantly bitched about for, well, being a huge selfish arrogant bitch even though they might be the nicest girls on planet Earth. People would find some sort of flaw or negative aspect and blow it up and turn it into a gossip fodder. Ugly girls are picked on for being less aesthetically pleasing. Don't make me mention the constant teasing of fat people. So what if they're fat? They can lose weight, but evil people can't really change their mindsets, can they?

Some dude I used to know used to get this sense of superiority by talking shit about "lesser beings" (relative to how oh-so-awesome he is). To be truthful, at first I found his bitching really hilarious but afterwards I realised that he also bitched about his closer friends. They now still pretend to be friends btw. Amusing. Why bother to be fake friends?

I'm glad to have some people out of my life now. They were never worth my time. They can bitch all about me all they want, but I won't give a flying fuck. Nobody's perfect. I have flaws but that is what makes me, me. I could be crazy stupid and ugly to some but they're invisible to me. I can be who I want to be and say whatever I like because the people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind.

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Drama

I can't seem to love anymore. Far too damaged.

No faith in guys anymore. They just end up screwing the minds of the girls they claim to love.

I bust your windows out your car
And no it didn't mend my broken heart
I'll probably always have these ugly scars
But right now I don't care about that part

Dysfunction

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe
But I still fight
While I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right
It's like I'm in flight
High of a love
Drunk from the hate
It's like I'm huffing paint
And I love it the more that I suffer

Preliminary examinations now. I'm so stressed and unprepared. I don't know where to start from. I don't even feel like starting.

All hope seems lost. I feel like someone punched me in the gut, like someone punched the air out of me. Disenchantment. Despair. Disenchantment. I like it, but everyone fucking hates it. I like having dysfunction in my life because somehow leading a screwed up life feels real. I don't crave for perfection. I'm not idealistic. I just want to live life and get over with it. I've no aims in life for now. Everyone's telling me to study, get a job, get married, have kids, blah blah blah. Basically, slog my entire life. What for? Why do I even exist when I don't even cherish life?

You could wait for a lifetime
To spend your days in the sunshine
You might as well do the white line

Is it worth the aggravation
To find yourself a job when there's nothing worth working for?
It's a crazy situation

I know I've hurt many with my actions. I know many have tried to help me. But what for, when I don't even freaking care? Sometimes I feel my parents deserve a more filial daughter; my brother deserves a more concerned sister; my boyfriend deserves someone better. I wonder why people don't give up on me when I'm so hopeless. I whine how fucked up life is but I don't do anything to make things happen. Maybe I should be left alone to wallow in self-pity till I die.